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There
may be several months between the time that you
select your camp, send in your deposit and the
opening day. We all know that helping your child
prepare for camp involves more than just packing
their trunk. You want to make sure that your child
is emotionally ready for this new adventure.
Preparing your child is a delicate balance. While
you want to talk about this exciting new
experience, you also don't want to overdo it. With
too much discussion, your child may seem to loose a
sense of reality, and her expectations and
fantasies may never be met, leading to
disappointment. It's also possible that she could
focus on her fears so much that they become
overwhelming, leading her to focus only on how
homesick she may be. Therefore, if there are
several months before the beginning of camp, you
may want to drop the subject until at least March
or April. You will probably begin to receive
pre-season information from the camp, and you can
share these with your child in your
discussions.
How
to Talk About Camp
Be careful how often and which words you choose
when you are talking about camp. Children have
incredible radar, and they will pick up on your
concerns and fears, even if you never say anything
negative. You may want to pick up books or movies
(try not to get the mean spirited comedies-camp is
not like that) about camp. While many of the
storylines are exaggerated, they can prompt
discussion on how to handle issues that may arise
at camp. Watch or read them together. However, make
sure to pick up on the subtle signals that your
child sends. If they seem put off by the books or
videos, then drop the subject. Most importantly,
make sure that you never use camp as a threat or in
anger. It's important that you never seem like
you're counting the days until your child leaves
for camp. The words can linger longer than you
think, and it will confuse your child about what
camp is supposed to be. Your child should believe
that camp is a fun experience and that is why you
have chosen it.
Some
Dos
* Do try to have your child meet us (Lonnie
& Jeff) before camp begins.
* Do
talk about the camp in a positive way, to let your
child know that you believe camp is a safe,
exciting place.
* Do
try and arrange a play date with a fellow camper
before camp. If this is not possible, try and
establish a link through mail, e-mail, or
phone.
* Do
continue to have short separations, such as
sleepovers with family and friends for good
practice.
* Do
allow your child to verbalize her concerns, even if
they sound silly. You may learn about worries that
you can easily resolve.
* Do
talk to an experienced camper about the program. He
or she can tell you what you will really need to
pack, what you can leave at home, and what kids
really wear, and do at camp.
Some
Don'ts
*Don't introduce anything else new in your
child's life. Try to keep everything as normal as
possible, especially in the time close to the
opening day.
*
Don't try to squeeze in a family vacation just
before camp starts. Plan to be at home for at least
five days before your child leaves for camp to
provide the comfort of a usual
routine.
*Don't
let your child suspect your concerns about his
adjustment.
1)
Let your child assume responsibility for her room
and personal belongings.
At camp, children have responsibility for
making their own beds and cleaning their personal
area. They must keep track of their own belongings.
They will be responsible as a group for cleaning up
the cabin and sweeping it out on a daily basis.
Help your child to learn basic housekeeping skills
so that camp responsibilities are less
intimidating. If your child is not already
responsible for changing her sheets and making her
bed, teach her how to do these things. Make sure
that your child puts her dirty clothes in the
laundry each day. Teach her the difference between
'dirty' and 'wet'. Explain to your child that
towels, bathing suits, and clothes soaked by rain
should be hung to dry before being put into the
laundry. Taking responsibility for her belongings
is an important lesson of camp. Practice putting
away toys and books so she will know where they are
the next time that they are needed.
2)
Make personal hygiene a personal
responsibility.
Before your child leaves for camp, insist that
he assumes responsibility for teeth brushing,
showering, and washing his hair without reminder.
If this is difficult, make a chart for your child
to check off each day. Reserve comment or reminders
until the end of the week, and then review the
chart together. For girls with long hair, make sure
that they know how to brush it and remove tangles.
Make sure to pack plenty of conditioner. For girls,
one of the popular activities during rest hour is
trying different hairstyles or hair braiding. While
it's tempting to suggest a haircut for the summer,
this transformation can be traumatic for many
girls. It's better to practice at home how to keep
long hair manageable at camp. Even if your child
doesn't normally wear her hair in a ponytail, make
sure to pack plenty of hair elastics to tie it
back. In the heat of the summer, and while playing
active sports, girls will want to keep their hair
up.
3)
Stay out of peer conflicts.
Learning to resolve disputes between friends is
an important life lesson. Though we may want to
ease the way for their own children, they need to
learn that they are competent to solve their own
disagreements with friends. When a child complains
about a problem, instead of immediately offering a
solution, let her try and figure out her options.
Role play various scenarios with your child. The
independence with help her when she is living with
new people 24 hours a day.
4)
Review money management.
If your child is taking trips and allowed to
buy souvenirs, make sure he is comfortable carrying
money and counting change. When you are out
shopping, let him pay for purchases, and check that
he has received the correct change before leaving
the counter. At SNC we have a canteen that is open
three times a week and we give our campers weekly
allowance to teach them how to manage and budget.
Camp store has fun stuff and items that your camper
may need such as flashlights, ponchos, toiletries
etc. Your camper will have a special camp store
account from which he will be getting his packet
money.
5)
Practice problem-solving skills.
There are two issues that parents must help
their child learn before camp. First, your child
should learn to think before acting. Taking time to
think about the problem and possible solutions
before acting is a sign of maturity. Role play
various scenarios with your child and encourage her
to think of more than one solution to the problem
presented. Let your child know that you have
confidence in his abilities to handle the
challenges of camp. Secondly, make sure your child
knows that it is not just ok, but smart, to ask for
help. It's a sign of maturity to know that you
should ask for help, and it's the job of the
counselors and staff to ask for help. Let your
child know that there are many people at camp that
can help her, and that she can always go to Lonnie
& Jeff with a problem.
6)
Just say no!
Make sure that your child understands that it's
ok to say no, not just to alcohol, drugs, and
tobacco, but also to potentially dangerous
situations. Practice what to say if your child is
dared to do something that he knows would be off
limits at home. Make clear to your child that any
safety rule at camp has to be obeyed whether
counselors are present or not. This
means:
* No
swimming without a lifeguard on duty
*
Never using sports equipment without
permission
*
Never playing with ropes courses or riflery,
archery, and gymnastics equipment without
supervision.
* No
matches or lighters
* No
wandering away from camp or to off limits areas of
camp.
Off
to Camp
After months of searching, decision-making,
preparation, and packing, the last night before
departure for camp can be hectic and seem surreal.
Here are some helpful hints
Get
Organized
You want to avoid any disasters in the morning,
so lay out what you and your child agree that she
will wear in the morning. The emphasis should be on
both physical and psychological comfort. Make sure
that any new clothing is washed and that shoes are
broken in. If you have any additional paperwork
that needs to get to camp, place it in an envelope
with your child's name on the outside. Put all camp
supplies by the door so that you don't have to
search for last minute items in the morning. Try to
keep the night before camp a quiet evening. You
want your child to be rested. Try to keep your
child's regular bedtime and if necessary, linger a
few minutes for last minute
reassurance.
The
Goodbye
The best case scenario for the goodbye is a
warm, quick hug and a few words of love. It is not
the time for reflections on what everything means.
Try to stave off tears until you are alone. Your
child may be fighting his emotions, and may not be
able to keep his own tears back if he sees yours.
On the other hand, if you do fall apart, that's ok.
You may be momentarily embarrassed, but it will
pass. If your child starts to cry, remind him that
you know it's hard to separate and that it's scary
to try something new. Reassure your child that you
are sure that she is ready for camp and that she'll
have a wonderful time. It's not beneficial to you
or your child to prolong this conversation. Ask one
of your camp counselors to help your child get on
the bus. Try to remember that separation may be
difficult, but going to camp will provide your
child with new opportunities for growth. Be assured
that good camp programs are prepared to help
children overcome homesickness, and they are ready,
willing, and able to make sure your child enjoys
this new experience.
Staying
Connected to your child
Keeping in touch with your child begins even
before she gets on the bus for camp and should
continue the whole time that he or she is at camp.
Keeping in touch with your camper is more than just
sending cards, letters, and packages, but also what
you say and how you respond to what your child
tells you about camp life. The letters you write
and the packages that you send will be your primary
links to camp and your child, and you should make
them caring, effective, upbeat, and
fun.
Off
to Camp
Sending your child to camp for the first time
can provoke a range of parental emotions. You will
probably feel proud, excited, and happy for your
child embarking on a new experience. You may feel a
bit of relief at the thought of a few weeks of
freedom, and you may also feel guilty for feeling
that way. You may worry that your child isn't ready
for camp, or you may feel sad that your child is
getting older and less dependent on you. You may
feel all, some, or none of these emotions. Remember
that it is normal to have any of these feelings,
and it is also normal to have none of
them.
What
Your Child May Feel
In the weeks before the beginning of camp, your
child may also be experiencing many emotions. She
may be excited, confused, worried, or even
bewildered. Make sure that you recognize that it is
very reasonable for a child to be both excited and
worried at the same time. To your child, camp is a
strange place, and while everyone says that it will
be a lot of fun, it does not have the same
stability and comfort of home. Camp is like any
other new experience, and your child will likely
feel both thrilled and a little
scared.
Homesickness
You don't have to be a camper, or a child to
suffer from homesickness. When anyone is in a
strange, new place, even if it is exciting and fun,
it is normal to miss home. Separation anxiety is a
normal part of childhood. It is developmentally
appropriate, is evidence of the loving, trusting
relationship you have built with your child.
Because your child loves and trusts you, separation
can be scary. A camper knows that separation is
followed by reunion, but emotionally, it can be
difficult to accept. When in the midst of adjusting
to living with new people in a new environment,
children can get overwhelmed. Even for children who
enjoy new adventures and love sleepovers with
friends and relatives, a short bout of homesickness
is a common reaction.
It is
important that you don't measure your success as a
parent by your child's adjustment to camp. Even if
your child has a difficult time adjusting to camp,
it does not mean that you have failed to create an
independent child. It may be difficult to
understand how hard your child finds the first few
days at camp. At times, it's almost as if your
child believes that he or she will never see you
again. Put your child's reaction into context. She
may not be looking for a logical response from you,
rather, what she wants is comfort and reassurance.
Remember that even adults don't always act
logically when they are very anxious. Homesickness
is not about your child loving or trusting you
enough, or about her independence or willingness to
take risks. Homesickness is a temporary situation
that she can overcome with the support of adults.
And when a child overcomes homesickness, it is an
enormous boost to both self-confidence and self
esteem.
Why
Isn't My Child Crying?
It is just as important not to be upset or
worry if your child sails through camp without any
homesickness, or even a backward glance. This does
not mean that you failed to develop a strong
attachment, and it also does not mean that he or
she doesn't love you enough to care about not being
at home. If your child handles separation well, you
should enjoy it. Remember how excited they will be
to see you upon their return.
Who
Will Cry?
Separation is about change, and will affect
some children more than others. You probably
already know if your child adapts to change well,
or is more likely to suffer a strong case of
homesickness. Ask yourself about how your child
reacts to new situations and new things. It is not
that a shy, more reluctant child will not adjust to
camp, it just may take a little more patience and
reassurance to adapt to this change. Some children
will adjust faster than others. This is not
something to worry about. Knowing how your child
adjusts to change can help you to be realistic
about how the first part of camp will be like, so
that you can be ready to help your child
successfully cope with the adjustment to
camp.
Don't
be afraid of crying. Lonnie & Jeff agree that
it's often easier to deal with a child who is
upfront about being homesick and cries than the
child that is homesick and withdrawn. While no
parent wants to hear that their child is crying,
take comfort that your child is willing to share
his problems with other adults and is asking for
help.
Sometimes
a child will enter camp and have no problems for
the first few days, then be hit by a bout of
homesickness. It may be that the novelty of camp
has worn off, and the child can now focus on
separation. Though this can be frustrating, these
bouts usually pass quickly with the patience and
reassurance of both staff and
parents.
Visiting
Day
It is not unusual for a child to have problems
with homesickness when you visit them. However, as
your child gets back to the daily routines and
excitement of camp, this anxiety will pass. Because
phone call often cause this same feeling we do not
allow phone calls. We ask that you do not come to
visit before a week or so has passed. Remember not
all families stop by ...less that 20 % come to
visit, so do not feel obligated.
The
Preemptive Strike Against Homesickness
Just as you discuss other camp issues with your
child, you should be up front about homesickness.
Your child should understand that feeling homesick
is a normal emotion, and that even if he is
homesick, he can still have a good time. You should
remind your child that you are confident that he
will enjoy the camp experience even if he misses
you. Encourage your child to share your emotions
with his counselors and Lonnie & Jeff. However,
as you are talking about homesickness with your
child, make sure that you do not act as if you
expect a problem or encourage them by saying "I'll
come save you if you are homesick". If you
over-prepare your child, you may undermine their
self confidence. Talking to your child about
homesickness is a fine line that you must walk
carefully.
There
are some things that you can do before your camper
leaves home to help them cope with homesickness.
You can role play situations with your child that
he or she may encounter while at camp. Make sure
that in addition to putting a letter in your
child's luggage, send a few letters to camp a few
days before your child leaves so that she will find
mail when she arrives. Try to write every day so
that there will be a steady stream of cards and
letters at each mail call. If you have any reason
to suspect that your child will have difficulty
adjusting, talk to the Lonnie & Jeff before
your child arrives at camp. This way, we can keep a
special eye out for any sign of
problems.
Your
Child is Homesick: Now What?
Even though you may have expected it, it's
still upsetting when you get a homesick letter from
your child telling you that he's having a horrible
time and that he wants to come home immediately.
While you may want to rush to the rescue as quickly
as possible, stop yourself. The best thing that you
can do for your child is to call Lonnie & Jeff.
Your call may be the first clue to them that your
child is having problems. This is not because
Lonnie & Jeff are uninvolved. Most likely, the
case is that your child is not as intensely
homesick as the letter suggests, your child is
masking his homesickness, or that the bunk
counselors have been able to cope without involving
the Directors. If you have only gotten one homesick
letter, it is quite possible that the intense
emotions that prompted the letter have
passed.
Tell
Lonnie & Jeff about your letter and concerns,
and ask him to investigate the situation and get
back to you. We will not whitewash the situation,
but will put it into perspective. Lonnie & Jeff
will tell you what they are doing to ease the
situation for your child at camp. Usually, the plan
involves keeping the child busy and involved in the
camp program so that they are too busy to focus on
being homesick.
The
message you send to your child when he is homesick
should be clear. Let him know that you are sorry
that he is sad, but you believe that he will enjoy
the experience. Let your child know that you are
proud of them and you want him to stay at camp and
that everyone at camp wants to help him
succeed.
The
Game Plan
Parents need to be in agreement that they will
stay with their decision that their child will
complete their stay at camp. The first thing that
you must do is to trust the judgment of the
Directors who can see first hand what is happening.
You have to believe that we will put the situation
into perspective based on years of experience. Our
camp has a 'no phone' rule, yet we may offer you
the opportunity to speak with your child if the we
believe that it would be beneficial. However, if
the rule is no telephone calls, you should not
insist on talking to your child after receiving a
sad letter. Your child may think that if the no
telephone policy can change, then the whole idea of
camp should change as well. Here are some dos and
don'ts to keep in mind.
Dos
* Do
make it clear that you understand and sympathize
with her feelings.
* Do
encourage her to continue to express her emotions
to you in letters.
* Do
advise her to share her feelings with the camp
staff.
* Do
stress that you have confidence in her ability to
stay at camp and have a good time.
* Do
point out that you believe that the camp staff will
help her through this tough time.
* Do
remind her that you made this decision about camp
together and that she made a commitment to stay at
camp.
* Do
review the coping techniques you had discussed
before she leaves for camp.
Don'ts
*
Don't remind her about how much money the camp
costs.
*
Don't embarrass or ridicule her by suggesting that
this is babyish behavior.
*
Don't compare her to her siblings or
friends.
*
Don't suggest that she ignore her feelings or that
she is being overdramatic.
Convey
your thoughts in a letter. Explain that you are in
touch with the camp staff and that you are working
with them to help her to succeed and that you will
be checking with Lonnie & Jeff regularly to
hear about her progress. You may also want to try
to put the situation in perspective. Try to get her
to see how short a time period you are talking
about. Some children may also find it helpful to
keep a journal, so that she can write down how she
is feeling and see the progress that she is
making.
When
To Call It Quits
Is it ever right to say that it isn't working
and bring your child home? Sure, but you must make
this decision with a great deal of thought and
awareness of the long-term consequences. Campers
who come home before the end of their stay often
feel like failures. However, sometimes, even with
the best of intentions and efforts on the parts of
the parents and staff, a child is just not ready
for camp or it's just not a good fit. If, after a
real trial (a week is not long enough), and the
best efforts between home and camp your child is
clearly not adjusting, it's time to bring the
camper home.
If you
make the decision to bring your child home,
hopefully in agreement with Lonnie & Jeff, then
you need to support your child fully through what
he may think is a failure. Don't go through an
intense reevaluation the day he comes home, but
after a few days, you should sort out what went
right and what went wrong with the experience. Help
your child to understand that even though the camp
experience was disappointing, he is not a failure
because he came home. Let your child know that you
may reconsider another sleepaway camp program at
another time because you have confidence in
him.
Keeping
In Touch
Cards, letters, and care packages help children
to adjust to camp. They are bridges between home
and camp, as well as a means of reaching out and
connecting to bunkmates. Writing the first camp
letters are tricky. You want to let your child know
that you love and miss her, but you don't want to
overdo it so that she is overwhelmed with guilt and
homesickness. You want to tell her what is
happening at home, but you don't want to make it
sound like so much fun that she wishes that she
were there instead of at camp.
Like
any good letter writer, you should first ask about
what's happening there. Since you should have a
good idea about what camp is about from your
pre-camp research, you can ask specific questions
like about the waterfront, meals, or other
activities. You can talk to your child about life
at home. Look for anecdotes about friends, the
neighborhood and the town to share. Your letters
don't have to be long. In this case, quantity is
better than quality. There are some parent proven
tips that you can use when writing your
letters:
*
Alternate your letters with funny greeting
cards.
*
Include Jokes, Riddles, Puzzles, or News
Clippings.
*
Limit Criticism ; Save any negative discussion for
when your child gets home, it's hard to have
meaningful dialog on paper.
*
Pre-Address Envelopes ; It will make your child
more likely to write home.
* Make
Writing Fun; Include fun stationery, pens, and
stickers.
* No
Grammar or Spell Check ; Don't comment on your
child's writing, spelling, or grammar in letters
home.
* Be
Realistic ; Understand that your camper may not
write much, well, or often. Many children are so
excited about all of the activities at camp that
they just don't take time to write.
* Stay
in Touch ; Continue writing to your child, even if
you get one line or no letters in
return.
When
the News is Bad
Sometimes, you will have unfortunate news that
you need to share with your camper. Before you
write a letter detailing the situation, consider if
you must share the information at this point, or if
it can wait until your camper returns home. If
there has been an accident in town, if you or your
partner has lost your job, or if the family pet is
ill, you may want to wait to discuss these issues
face to face. However, if it is an emergency, such
as a close family member has died or is very ill
and you believe your child needs to know, call and
talk it over with Lonnie & Jeff first. This
way, you can make sure that there is an adult with
your camper who can give him emotional support when
he receives the news. You'll also want to discuss
with us what you want to do next. Do you want your
child to come home permanently or temporarily? We
encourage children go home for an emergency and
then return. It may be the best thing for your
child . Let us help you to assess your child's
emotional health and offer support if she returns
to the program.
Care
Packages
We have a strictly enforced no-food rule and
ask campers to open their packages in front of a
counselor. We do this in order to keep critters out
of living spaces. Food in cabins can attract ants,
bees, mice, raccoons, and even bears in some areas.
Good
care packages include comic books, books, stickers,
crazy hats, and generally any toy you might find as
a party favor. You might send clothing or
decorations to help celebrate the Fourth of July.
Your camper might request something for a talent
night or other all camp event, or he might need
batteries or toiletries. Though some of these
things can be purchased in the camp store, for most
campers, getting a care package is just more
fun.
What
if there is a problem?
If your child complains in person or by letter
about a counselor, bunkmate, or even continuing
homesickness, you want to empower your child to
believe that she can handle the problem and find a
solution. If your child has a problem, you
should:
*Listen
carefully and respectfully to your child's
complaint.
*
Offer comfort and acceptance of any of the emotions
she may feel.
*
Provide a clear message that coming home is not the
answer.
*
Encourage her to believe that she can problem solve
any issue, and that it is a sign of maturity to ask
for help.
*
Remind her that the camp staff is there to assist.
Even if the problem is with her own counselor,
point out that there are others on staff like
Lonnie who are here to listen and
help.
Please
remember we are here to make every child's
experience the best so for any serious problem
speak to us immediately.
Camp
Sick--Coming Home
When the camp season is over, the same child
who shed tears for leaving home may cry when
leaving camp. The reentry home can be hectic, but
there are four things that you should do when your
child arrives home to make things
easier:
1)
Check for lice; If you discover this before your
child gets back into the house, cleaning is much
easier and involves fewer items. Though the camp
health staff will have checked for head lice, it's
better to be safe than sorry. We have NEVER had an
occurrence but better safe than
sorry.
2)
Sort and toss; Go through camp clothes, discard
those that are beyond hope, to save yourself
washing an item that is irreparable or badly
stained.
3)
Check for all equipment; Check the packing list to
make sure that all important items returned home.
If not, call and ask us to check for the lost
items. Unless expensive, we do not return items and
donate them to charity.
4)
Store in a safe place; Store the trunk and the
equipment that your child needs for camp in the
same place. Write notes to remind you about what
your child needed, and what wasn't used for packing
next year.
Your
child will be tired, likely in need of a bath,
excited, missing her camp friends, eager to see her
friends from home, and hungry. While you want to
talk about camp with your child, remember that it
may be hard for them to sort out in the beginning.
Some tips are:
* Give
your child some space and time to sort through the
experience and then talk about it.
*
Avoid, if possible, leaving immediately for
vacation. Try to give your child a day or two at
home
*
Encourage her to keep in touch with camp friends
via Smorecamp.com
*
Encourage your child to make a scrapbook of the
camp experience to preserve the camp
memories.
Planning
Ahead For Next Season
Parents are now sometimes surprised that their
once eager camper begins to question their return
to camp sometime around January. One of the best
ways around this is to sign up in the fall, that
way you also get a discount. If you decide to wait
your child may remember homesickness and brief
periods of unhappiness. Its best to reassure your
child that this is typical. Take out the camp
scrapbook and talk about the fun times at camp.
Acknowledge that though homesickness can reoccur,
it passes much more quickly the second
summer.
We
hope that you found these notes helpful and if you
still have any questions or concerns, please call
us and we will be happy to help.
Happy
Trails,
Lonnie
and Jeff Lorenz
715-466-5666
swiftcamp@aol.com
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