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There may be
several months between the time
that you select your camp, send
in your deposit and the opening
day. We all know that helping
your child prepare for camp
involves more than just packing
their trunk. You want to make
sure that your child is
emotionally ready for this new
adventure. Preparing your child
is a delicate balance. While you
want to talk about this exciting
new experience, you also don't
want to overdo it. With too much
discussion, your child may seem
to loose a sense of reality, and
her expectations and fantasies
may never be met, leading to
disappointment. It's also
possible that she could focus on
her fears so much that they
become overwhelming, leading her
to focus only on how homesick
she may be. Therefore, if there
are several months before the
beginning of camp, you may want
to drop the subject until at
least March or April. You will
probably begin to receive
pre-season information from the
camp, and you can share these
with your child in your
discussions.
How to Talk
About Camp
Be careful how often and
which words you choose when you
are talking about camp. Children
have incredible radar, and they
will pick up on your concerns
and fears, even if you never say
anything negative. You may want
to pick up books or movies (try
not to get the mean spirited
comedies-camp is not like that)
about camp. While many of the
storylines are exaggerated, they
can prompt discussion on how to
handle issues that may arise at
camp. Watch or read them
together. However, make sure to
pick up on the subtle signals
that your child sends. If they
seem put off by the books or
videos, then drop the subject.
Most importantly, make sure that
you never use camp as a threat
or in anger. It's important that
you never seem like you're
counting the days until your
child leaves for camp. The words
can linger longer than you
think, and it will confuse your
child about what camp is
supposed to be. Your child
should believe that camp is a
fun experience and that is why
you have chosen it.
Some Dos
* Do try to have your child
meet us (Lonnie & Jeff)
before camp begins.
* Do talk
about the camp in a positive
way, to let your child know that
you believe camp is a safe,
exciting place.
* Do try and
arrange a play date with a
fellow camper before camp. If
this is not possible, try and
establish a link through mail,
e-mail, or phone.
* Do continue
to have short separations, such
as sleepovers with family and
friends for good practice.
* Do allow
your child to verbalize her
concerns, even if they sound
silly. You may learn about
worries that you can easily
resolve.
* Do talk to
an experienced camper about the
program. He or she can tell you
what you will really need to
pack, what you can leave at
home, and what kids really wear,
and do at camp.
Some Don'ts
*Don't introduce anything
else new in your child's life.
Try to keep everything as normal
as possible, especially in the
time close to the opening day.
* Don't try to
squeeze in a family vacation
just before camp starts. Plan to
be at home for at least five
days before your child leaves
for camp to provide the comfort
of a usual routine.
*Don't let
your child suspect your concerns
about his adjustment.
1) Let your
child assume responsibility
for her room and personal
belongings.
At camp, children have
responsibility for making their
own beds and cleaning their
personal area. They must keep
track of their own belongings.
They will be responsible as a
group for cleaning up the cabin
and sweeping it out on a daily
basis. Help your child to learn
basic housekeeping skills so
that camp responsibilities are
less intimidating. If your child
is not already responsible for
changing her sheets and making
her bed, teach her how to do
these things. Make sure that
your child puts her dirty
clothes in the laundry each day.
Teach her the difference between
'dirty' and 'wet'. Explain to
your child that towels, bathing
suits, and clothes soaked by
rain should be hung to dry
before being put into the
laundry. Taking responsibility
for her belongings is an
important lesson of camp.
Practice putting away toys and
books so she will know where
they are the next time that they
are needed.
2) Make
personal hygiene a personal
responsibility.
Before your child leaves for
camp, insist that he assumes
responsibility for teeth
brushing, showering, and washing
his hair without reminder. If
this is difficult, make a chart
for your child to check off each
day. Reserve comment or
reminders until the end of the
week, and then review the chart
together. For girls with long
hair, make sure that they know
how to brush it and remove
tangles. Make sure to pack
plenty of conditioner. For
girls, one of the popular
activities during rest hour is
trying different hairstyles or
hair braiding. While it's
tempting to suggest a haircut
for the summer, this
transformation can be traumatic
for many girls. It's better to
practice at home how to keep
long hair manageable at camp.
Even if your child doesn't
normally wear her hair in a
ponytail, make sure to pack
plenty of hair elastics to tie
it back. In the heat of the
summer, and while playing active
sports, girls will want to keep
their hair up.
3) Stay out
of peer conflicts.
Learning to resolve disputes
between friends is an important
life lesson. Though we may want
to ease the way for their own
children, they need to learn
that they are competent to solve
their own disagreements with
friends. When a child complains
about a problem, instead of
immediately offering a solution,
let her try and figure out her
options. Role play various
scenarios with your child. The
independence with help her when
she is living with new people 24
hours a day.
4) Review
money management.
If your child is taking
trips and allowed to buy
souvenirs, make sure he is
comfortable carrying money and
counting change. When you are
out shopping, let him pay for
purchases, and check that he has
received the correct change
before leaving the counter. At
SNC we have a canteen that is
open three times a week and we
give our campers weekly
allowance to teach them how to
manage and budget. Camp store
has fun stuff and items that
your camper may need such as
flashlights, ponchos, toiletries
etc. Your camper will have a
special camp store account from
which he will be getting his
packet money.
5) Practice
problem-solving skills.
There are two issues that
parents must help their child
learn before camp. First, your
child should learn to think
before acting. Taking time to
think about the problem and
possible solutions before acting
is a sign of maturity. Role play
various scenarios with your
child and encourage her to think
of more than one solution to the
problem presented. Let your
child know that you have
confidence in his abilities to
handle the challenges of camp.
Secondly, make sure your child
knows that it is not just ok,
but smart, to ask for help. It's
a sign of maturity to know that
you should ask for help, and
it's the job of the counselors
and staff to ask for help. Let
your child know that there are
many people at camp that can
help her, and that she can
always go to Lonnie & Jeff
with a problem.
6) Just say
no!
Make sure that your child
understands that it's ok to say
no, not just to alcohol, drugs,
and tobacco, but also to
potentially dangerous
situations. Practice what to say
if your child is dared to do
something that he knows would be
off limits at home. Make clear
to your child that any safety
rule at camp has to be obeyed
whether counselors are present
or not. This means:
* No swimming
without a lifeguard on duty
* Never using
sports equipment without
permission
* Never
playing with ropes courses or
riflery, archery, and gymnastics
equipment without supervision.
* No matches
or lighters
* No wandering
away from camp or to off limits
areas of camp.
Off to Camp
After months of searching,
decision-making, preparation,
and packing, the last night
before departure for camp can be
hectic and seem surreal. Here
are some helpful hints
Get
Organized
You want to avoid any
disasters in the morning, so lay
out what you and your child
agree that she will wear in the
morning. The emphasis should be
on both physical and
psychological comfort. Make sure
that any new clothing is washed
and that shoes are broken in. If
you have any additional
paperwork that needs to get to
camp, place it in an envelope
with your child's name on the
outside. Put all camp supplies
by the door so that you don't
have to search for last minute
items in the morning. Try to
keep the night before camp a
quiet evening. You want your
child to be rested. Try to keep
your child's regular bedtime and
if necessary, linger a few
minutes for last minute
reassurance.
The Goodbye
The best case scenario for
the goodbye is a warm, quick hug
and a few words of love. It is
not the time for reflections on
what everything means. Try to
stave off tears until you are
alone. Your child may be
fighting his emotions, and may
not be able to keep his own
tears back if he sees yours. On
the other hand, if you do fall
apart, that's ok. You may be
momentarily embarrassed, but it
will pass. If your child starts
to cry, remind him that you know
it's hard to separate and that
it's scary to try something new.
Reassure your child that you are
sure that she is ready for camp
and that she'll have a wonderful
time. It's not beneficial to you
or your child to prolong this
conversation. Ask one of your
camp counselors to help your
child get on the bus. Try to
remember that separation may be
difficult, but going to camp
will provide your child with new
opportunities for growth. Be
assured that good camp programs
are prepared to help children
overcome homesickness, and they
are ready, willing, and able to
make sure your child enjoys this
new experience.
Staying
Connected to your child
Keeping in touch with your
child begins even before she
gets on the bus for camp and
should continue the whole time
that he or she is at camp.
Keeping in touch with your
camper is more than just sending
cards, letters, and packages,
but also what you say and how
you respond to what your child
tells you about camp life. The
letters you write and the
packages that you send will be
your primary links to camp and
your child, and you should make
them caring, effective, upbeat,
and fun.
Off to Camp
Sending your child to camp
for the first time can provoke a
range of parental emotions. You
will probably feel proud,
excited, and happy for your
child embarking on a new
experience. You may feel a bit
of relief at the thought of a
few weeks of freedom, and you
may also feel guilty for feeling
that way. You may worry that
your child isn't ready for camp,
or you may feel sad that your
child is getting older and less
dependent on you. You may feel
all, some, or none of these
emotions. Remember that it is
normal to have any of these
feelings, and it is also normal
to have none of them.
What Your
Child May Feel
In the weeks before the
beginning of camp, your child
may also be experiencing many
emotions. She may be excited,
confused, worried, or even
bewildered. Make sure that you
recognize that it is very
reasonable for a child to be
both excited and worried at the
same time. To your child, camp
is a strange place, and while
everyone says that it will be a
lot of fun, it does not have the
same stability and comfort of
home. Camp is like any other new
experience, and your child will
likely feel both thrilled and a
little scared.
Homesickness
You don't have to be a
camper, or a child to suffer
from homesickness. When anyone
is in a strange, new place, even
if it is exciting and fun, it is
normal to miss home. Separation
anxiety is a normal part of
childhood. It is developmentally
appropriate, is evidence of the
loving, trusting relationship
you have built with your child.
Because your child loves and
trusts you, separation can be
scary. A camper knows that
separation is followed by
reunion, but emotionally, it can
be difficult to accept. When in
the midst of adjusting to living
with new people in a new
environment, children can get
overwhelmed. Even for children
who enjoy new adventures and
love sleepovers with friends and
relatives, a short bout of
homesickness is a common
reaction.
It is
important that you don't measure
your success as a parent by your
child's adjustment to camp. Even
if your child has a difficult
time adjusting to camp, it does
not mean that you have failed to
create an independent child. It
may be difficult to understand
how hard your child finds the
first few days at camp. At
times, it's almost as if your
child believes that he or she
will never see you again. Put
your child's reaction into
context. She may not be looking
for a logical response from you,
rather, what she wants is
comfort and reassurance.
Remember that even adults don't
always act logically when they
are very anxious. Homesickness
is not about your child loving
or trusting you enough, or about
her independence or willingness
to take risks. Homesickness is a
temporary situation that she can
overcome with the support of
adults. And when a child
overcomes homesickness, it is an
enormous boost to both
self-confidence and self esteem.
Why Isn't
My Child Crying?
It is just as important not
to be upset or worry if your
child sails through camp without
any homesickness, or even a
backward glance. This does not
mean that you failed to develop
a strong attachment, and it also
does not mean that he or she
doesn't love you enough to care
about not being at home. If your
child handles separation well,
you should enjoy it. Remember
how excited they will be to see
you upon their return.
Who Will
Cry?
Separation is about change,
and will affect some children
more than others. You probably
already know if your child
adapts to change well, or is
more likely to suffer a strong
case of homesickness. Ask
yourself about how your child
reacts to new situations and new
things. It is not that a shy,
more reluctant child will not
adjust to camp, it just may take
a little more patience and
reassurance to adapt to this
change. Some children will
adjust faster than others. This
is not something to worry about.
Knowing how your child adjusts
to change can help you to be
realistic about how the first
part of camp will be like, so
that you can be ready to help
your child successfully cope
with the adjustment to camp.
Don't be
afraid of crying. Lonnie &
Jeff agree that it's often
easier to deal with a child who
is upfront about being homesick
and cries than the child that is
homesick and withdrawn. While no
parent wants to hear that their
child is crying, take comfort
that your child is willing to
share his problems with other
adults and is asking for help.
Sometimes a
child will enter camp and have
no problems for the first few
days, then be hit by a bout of
homesickness. It may be that the
novelty of camp has worn off,
and the child can now focus on
separation. Though this can be
frustrating, these bouts usually
pass quickly with the patience
and reassurance of both staff
and parents.
Visiting
Day
It is not unusual for a
child to have problems with
homesickness when you visit
them. However, as your child
gets back to the daily routines
and excitement of camp, this
anxiety will pass. Because phone
call often cause this same
feeling we do not allow phone
calls. We ask that you do not
come to visit before a week or
so has passed. Remember not all
families stop by ...less that 20
% come to visit, so do not feel
obligated.
The
Preemptive Strike Against
Homesickness
Just as you discuss other
camp issues with your child, you
should be up front about
homesickness. Your child should
understand that feeling homesick
is a normal emotion, and that
even if he is homesick, he can
still have a good time. You
should remind your child that
you are confident that he will
enjoy the camp experience even
if he misses you. Encourage your
child to share your emotions
with his counselors and Lonnie
& Jeff. However, as you are
talking about homesickness with
your child, make sure that you
do not act as if you expect a
problem or encourage them by
saying "I'll come save you if
you are homesick". If you
over-prepare your child, you may
undermine their self confidence.
Talking to your child about
homesickness is a fine line that
you must walk carefully.
There are some
things that you can do before
your camper leaves home to help
them cope with homesickness. You
can role play situations with
your child that he or she may
encounter while at camp. Make
sure that in addition to putting
a letter in your child's
luggage, send a few letters to
camp a few days before your
child leaves so that she will
find mail when she arrives. Try
to write every day so that there
will be a steady stream of cards
and letters at each mail call.
If you have any reason to
suspect that your child will
have difficulty adjusting, talk
to the Lonnie & Jeff before
your child arrives at camp. This
way, we can keep a special eye
out for any sign of problems.
Your Child
is Homesick: Now What?
Even though you may have
expected it, it's still
upsetting when you get a
homesick letter from your child
telling you that he's having a
horrible time and that he wants
to come home immediately. While
you may want to rush to the
rescue as quickly as possible,
stop yourself. The best thing
that you can do for your child
is to call Lonnie & Jeff.
Your call may be the first clue
to them that your child is
having problems. This is not
because Lonnie & Jeff are
uninvolved. Most likely, the
case is that your child is not
as intensely homesick as the
letter suggests, your child is
masking his homesickness, or
that the bunk counselors have
been able to cope without
involving the Directors. If you
have only gotten one homesick
letter, it is quite possible
that the intense emotions that
prompted the letter have passed.
Tell Lonnie
& Jeff about your letter and
concerns, and ask him to
investigate the situation and
get back to you. We will not
whitewash the situation, but
will put it into perspective.
Lonnie & Jeff will tell you
what they are doing to ease the
situation for your child at
camp. Usually, the plan involves
keeping the child busy and
involved in the camp program so
that they are too busy to focus
on being homesick.
The message
you send to your child when he
is homesick should be clear. Let
him know that you are sorry that
he is sad, but you believe that
he will enjoy the experience.
Let your child know that you are
proud of them and you want him
to stay at camp and that
everyone at camp wants to help
him succeed.
The Game
Plan
Parents need to be in
agreement that they will stay
with their decision that their
child will complete their stay
at camp. The first thing that
you must do is to trust the
judgment of the Directors who
can see first hand what is
happening. You have to believe
that we will put the situation
into perspective based on years
of experience. Our camp has a
'no phone' rule, yet we may
offer you the opportunity to
speak with your child if the we
believe that it would be
beneficial. However, if the rule
is no telephone calls, you
should not insist on talking to
your child after receiving a sad
letter. Your child may think
that if the no telephone policy
can change, then the whole idea
of camp should change as well.
Here are some dos and don'ts to
keep in mind.
Dos
* Do make it
clear that you understand and
sympathize with her feelings.
* Do encourage
her to continue to express her
emotions to you in letters.
* Do advise
her to share her feelings with
the camp staff.
* Do stress
that you have confidence in her
ability to stay at camp and have
a good time.
* Do point out
that you believe that the camp
staff will help her through this
tough time.
* Do remind
her that you made this decision
about camp together and that she
made a commitment to stay at
camp.
* Do review
the coping techniques you had
discussed before she leaves for
camp.
Don'ts
* Don't remind
her about how much money the
camp costs.
* Don't
embarrass or ridicule her by
suggesting that this is babyish
behavior.
* Don't
compare her to her siblings or
friends.
* Don't
suggest that she ignore her
feelings or that she is being
overdramatic.
Convey your
thoughts in a letter. Explain
that you are in touch with the
camp staff and that you are
working with them to help her to
succeed and that you will be
checking with Lonnie & Jeff
regularly to hear about her
progress. You may also want to
try to put the situation in
perspective. Try to get her to
see how short a time period you
are talking about. Some children
may also find it helpful to keep
a journal, so that she can write
down how she is feeling and see
the progress that she is making.
When To
Call It Quits
Is it ever right to say that
it isn't working and bring your
child home? Sure, but you must
make this decision with a great
deal of thought and awareness of
the long-term consequences.
Campers who come home before the
end of their stay often feel
like failures. However,
sometimes, even with the best of
intentions and efforts on the
parts of the parents and staff,
a child is just not ready for
camp or it's just not a good
fit. If, after a real trial (a
week is not long enough), and
the best efforts between home
and camp your child is clearly
not adjusting, it's time to
bring the camper home.
If you make
the decision to bring your child
home, hopefully in agreement
with Lonnie & Jeff, then you
need to support your child fully
through what he may think is a
failure. Don't go through an
intense reevaluation the day he
comes home, but after a few
days, you should sort out what
went right and what went wrong
with the experience. Help your
child to understand that even
though the camp experience was
disappointing, he is not a
failure because he came home.
Let your child know that you may
reconsider another sleepaway
camp program at another time
because you have confidence in
him.
Keeping In
Touch
Cards, letters, and care
packages help children to adjust
to camp. They are bridges
between home and camp, as well
as a means of reaching out and
connecting to bunkmates. Writing
the first camp letters are
tricky. You want to let your
child know that you love and
miss her, but you don't want to
overdo it so that she is
overwhelmed with guilt and
homesickness. You want to tell
her what is happening at home,
but you don't want to make it
sound like so much fun that she
wishes that she were there
instead of at camp.
Like any good
letter writer, you should first
ask about what's happening
there. Since you should have a
good idea about what camp is
about from your pre-camp
research, you can ask specific
questions like about the
waterfront, meals, or other
activities. You can talk to your
child about life at home. Look
for anecdotes about friends, the
neighborhood and the town to
share. Your letters don't have
to be long. In this case,
quantity is better than quality.
There are some parent proven
tips that you can use when
writing your letters:
* Alternate
your letters with funny greeting
cards.
* Include
Jokes, Riddles, Puzzles, or News
Clippings.
* Limit
Criticism ; Save any negative
discussion for when your child
gets home, it's hard to have
meaningful dialog on paper.
* Pre-Address
Envelopes ; It will make your
child more likely to write home.
* Make Writing
Fun; Include fun stationery,
pens, and stickers.
* No Grammar
or Spell Check ; Don't comment
on your child's writing,
spelling, or grammar in letters
home.
* Be Realistic
; Understand that your camper
may not write much, well, or
often. Many children are so
excited about all of the
activities at camp that they
just don't take time to write.
* Stay in
Touch ; Continue writing to your
child, even if you get one line
or no letters in return.
When the
News is Bad
Sometimes, you will have
unfortunate news that you need
to share with your camper.
Before you write a letter
detailing the situation,
consider if you must share the
information at this point, or if
it can wait until your camper
returns home. If there has been
an accident in town, if you or
your partner has lost your job,
or if the family pet is ill, you
may want to wait to discuss
these issues face to face.
However, if it is an emergency,
such as a close family member
has died or is very ill and you
believe your child needs to
know, call and talk it over with
Lonnie & Jeff first. This
way, you can make sure that
there is an adult with your
camper who can give him
emotional support when he
receives the news. You'll also
want to discuss with us what you
want to do next. Do you want
your child to come home
permanently or temporarily? We
encourage children go home for
an emergency and then return. It
may be the best thing for your
child . Let us help you to
assess your child's emotional
health and offer support if she
returns to the program.
Care
Packages
We have a strictly enforced
no-food rule and ask campers to
open their packages in front of
a counselor. We do this in order
to keep critters out of living
spaces. Food in cabins can
attract ants, bees, mice,
raccoons, and even bears in some
areas.
Good care
packages include comic books,
books, stickers, crazy hats, and
generally any toy you might find
as a party favor. You might send
clothing or decorations to help
celebrate the Fourth of July.
Your camper might request
something for a talent night or
other all camp event, or he
might need batteries or
toiletries. Though some of these
things can be purchased in the
camp store, for most campers,
getting a care package is just
more fun.
What if
there is a problem?
If your child complains in
person or by letter about a
counselor, bunkmate, or even
continuing homesickness, you
want to empower your child to
believe that she can handle the
problem and find a solution. If
your child has a problem, you
should:
*Listen
carefully and respectfully to
your child's complaint.
* Offer
comfort and acceptance of any of
the emotions she may feel.
* Provide a
clear message that coming home
is not the answer.
* Encourage
her to believe that she can
problem solve any issue, and
that it is a sign of maturity to
ask for help.
* Remind her
that the camp staff is there to
assist. Even if the problem is
with her own counselor, point
out that there are others on
staff like Lonnie who are here
to listen and help.
Please
remember we are here to make
every child's experience the
best so for any serious problem
speak to us immediately.
Camp
Sick--Coming Home
When the camp season is
over, the same child who shed
tears for leaving home may cry
when leaving camp. The reentry
home can be hectic, but there
are four things that you should
do when your child arrives home
to make things easier:
1) Check for
lice; If you discover this
before your child gets back into
the house, cleaning is much
easier and involves fewer items.
Though the camp health staff
will have checked for head lice,
it's better to be safe than
sorry. We have NEVER had an
occurrence but better safe than
sorry.
2) Sort and
toss; Go through camp clothes,
discard those that are beyond
hope, to save yourself washing
an item that is irreparable or
badly stained.
3) Check for
all equipment; Check the packing
list to make sure that all
important items returned home.
If not, call and ask us to check
for the lost items. Unless
expensive, we do not return
items and donate them to
charity.
4) Store in a
safe place; Store the trunk and
the equipment that your child
needs for camp in the same
place. Write notes to remind you
about what your child needed,
and what wasn't used for packing
next year.
Your child
will be tired, likely in need of
a bath, excited, missing her
camp friends, eager to see her
friends from home, and hungry.
While you want to talk about
camp with your child, remember
that it may be hard for them to
sort out in the beginning. Some
tips are:
* Give your
child some space and time to
sort through the experience and
then talk about it.
* Avoid, if
possible, leaving immediately
for vacation. Try to give your
child a day or two at home
* Encourage
her to keep in touch with camp
friends via Smorecamp.com
* Encourage
your child to make a scrapbook
of the camp experience to
preserve the camp memories.
Planning
Ahead For Next Season
Parents are now sometimes
surprised that their once eager
camper begins to question their
return to camp sometime around
January. One of the best ways
around this is to sign up in the
fall, that way you also get a
discount. If you decide to wait
your child may remember
homesickness and brief periods
of unhappiness. Its best to
reassure your child that this is
typical. Take out the camp
scrapbook and talk about the fun
times at camp. Acknowledge that
though homesickness can reoccur,
it passes much more quickly the
second summer.
We hope that
you found these notes helpful
and if you still have any
questions or concerns, please
call us and we will be happy to
help.
Happy Trails,
Lonnie and
Jeff Lorenz
715-466-5666
swiftcamp@aol.com
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